Can you say...Post-Traumatic Stress? Good Grief!

Nooooo, not really. Hahaha! But sometimes, I sure feel that way. Last week, I spent most of my time fussing with Nick and Nuk about running down the staircase at alarming speeds. Every time I hear that sound, I have flash backs of my niece running frantically down the staircase to my studio yelling that Grandpa was not breathing. Ooooh! My heart jumps each time. I can hear and feel every beat and it frightens me so bad. I can't stand it! Lol! So I made my household announcement that nobody do that anymore from here on out--don't run down the staircase. Don't run down the staircase especially, screaming. As a matter of fact, don't scream. Don't jump, don't bump, don't drop nothing, don't walk, don't talk, don't speak, don't sleep too sound, don't eat too fast, don't eat too slow, etc. As a matter of fact, do you have to eat? Hahaha! As you can see, I was on a rampage. My nephew just looked at me crazy as if to say his auntie has snapped!

Yeah, Marna and I were joking one day while sitting in my dad's room waiting for him to wake up. I said, "Girl, you think we gone need counseling after this mess?" We both just started to chuckle and shake our heads saying, "Daddy dun' messed our heads up. Geez! Girl, we jus' messed up fo'eva now!" Lol! (Pardon the grammar, but this is what we call "home-talk.")

So, do I really need counseling? How knows? But I will take it to Jesus first. :-))

Anyway, I just need to rest and calm myself down. That is all. We have all been through a lot, but life moves forward and so will we.

Yesterday, my Daddy was transferred to a rehabilitation facility in San Leandro. It was somewhat emotional for me. Granted, I am glad Seton determined that he is ready and stable for the next phase, graduating from CCU.  But it was strange because this is unfamiliar territory. For the last month, (tomorrow being 30 days) we have visited him daily and got comfortable with the location, the staff, the other visiting families, and all. They were familiar with us and my dad. Now, being at a new facility just feels, "raw." That is the only word I can think of that describes how everything feels.

The facility seems nice, I just have to get accustomed to it, as well as the distance we must drive to visit Daddy. We arrived yesterday, during the shift change. My Daddy arrived probably an hour or so before. So James Armstead was just a newly transferred patient who was recently wheeled into one of their cold, once vacant rooms. Sigh. The nurses and doctor working last night asked us more about his previous care for feedback. They had not had a chance to read any of the his paperwork yet. Everything was just new and different, that is all.

Marna, my mom and I prayed over him before departing but it was hard. Again, during our prayer time, God told us some wonderful things to look forward to concerning my dad's recovery. What he spoke was very encouraging and uplifting. It definitely, made me feel better about leaving Daddy on that side of the bridge. We left with tears in our eyes, but they were tears of joy knowing that we as a family can totally depend and trust God to do ALL that He promised and showed us He would do. I don't think I have ever had this type or level of trust in the Lord before. I have been a born-again Christian (Lol! the fa'real type of life-altering, living saved, over-coming life, born-again...not just attending church on a regular basis, having a front for all to see, but still doin' yo stuff on the unda', suppose to be born-again) for about 19 years. My before years just going to church, don't count. I didn't know what it all meant anyway. Well, now, I felt a need to clarify the differences. Hahahaha! Anyway, back to what I was saying: I trusted God with my tongue, but not really in my heart. I hope that makes sense. Hmmmm? I sung songs that said I trusted Him, and told Him I did, but I think it was more like, positive reinforcement or affirmations for myself. Laughing really hard now!

Yeah, you can say a lot of things that are not really resident in your heart. I just don't think I have ever been put in a position to a degree, where I HAD to really, totally, fully, completely trust God on the level I have had to trust Him with this situation with my Daddy. With this experience, there is no Go Left, Go Right, Climb Over, or Crawl Under. Baby, you have to GO STRAIGHT THROUGH this. There is no other way--this is the way. I praise God for using this to build my faith and trust in HIM!!

Okay, I have to get my shoes on. We are headed to San Leandro. For those who would like to visit him, please contact my mom (Opal) at their office to get the information and the location: 415.822.6225

Until next time,
June